I was just thinking about how (much more) horrible the heat of summer was for me when I did not wear certain articles of clothing.
I never showed my arms.
I always wore pants.
These facts made summer a terrible time because I was not only hiding my body. I was developing a wicked heat rash in the process.
I went to Spain a few years ago and being in a foreign country leading a group of people that I had never met made it easier to forget to shame myself. Being away from my life was freeing in many ways. Wearing shorts, skirts, dresses and sleeveless tops came out of that freedom. Some people noticed. Most people didn’t.
I came home and bought five new dresses and I haven’t looked back since.
I know how I look. I don’t have my seventeen year old body because I am not seventeen. I’ve done so much living in this body that it now looks this way. Human. Imperfect in the best way.
When I was seventeen, I thought I was completely unattractive. When I look at those photos now I think about how insane I was to think that! What will I think about this Jennie model 33 body when I’m rocking a model 47 or a Jennie 88?
I’m going to wish for this body. So I’ve decided to do what I should have done all those years ago.
I’m going to say “I look great!” instead of something negative to myself.
It takes work, though. I have to actively shoot myself positive thoughts and looks all day. I have to remember that my body is mine. The only one I’ve got.
I have to start treating it right so it will last. I might loose a few pounds because I’ve started to exercise and feed my body what it needs instead of garbage.
So, if this summer you see me rocking cutoffs and a sleeveless Led Zeppelin T, it’s because I’m trying really hard not to give a shit what you think. It’s hot.
And I Iook great.
If you don’t like what you see, don’t look.